how to stop seeking

man oh man, do i write this one from experience!!

i was born a spiritual master so i always understood that we are all whole, complete and perfect. but that didn’t stop me from desiring an escape ;)

the early years of my life were incredibly painful. i went through lots of trauma. i believe this is because my intention in this incarnation was to break cycles and complete ALL my open karma. i succeeded in doing so and in 2019 jumped timelines to a reality based in sovereignty, wholeness, joy and EASE.

i love my life and i know how much work it took to get here. believe me when i say i have had to purify the desire/urge to seek in pretty much EVERY AREA of my life!

so what do i mean by seeking? at the most basic level, i mean holding the perception or behaving in such a way to indicate that i require something - anything - outside myself to be whole.

in my life i’ve experienced it as…

chasing the love and affection of my parents

longing for a romantic partnership, an ‘other half’

struggling, hustling and compromising myself for money

punishing my body in attempts to make it look or feel a certain way

looking for the one teacher, concept, spiritual perspective or set of principles for living that would make me feel in-control and safe

chasing a particular goal or manifestation, believing that its arrival would be ‘proof’ of my mastery

looking to 3d to validate my spiritual awareness/knowing

wanting to be one of the cool kids, contorting myself to fit in

numbing out with drugs and alcohol

over-shopping, over-eating, over-indulging in whatever way because i felt empty inside

….and the list goes on!

i’ll be honest - the one i still sometimes indulge in, is over-shopping! there is so much stuff that i desire and i am learning to differentiate between desires and requirements. so yeah - sometimes i buy more bike shorts than i need. :)

but i’ll tell you what, that’s way better than doing drugs the way i did when i was a teenager, or chasing the affection of some dude i don’t even like the way i did in my late teens/early 20’s. i can also directly trace my over-shopping to my desire for more like-minded, New Earth beings in my life.

if i’ve learned anything from purifying this dynamic in soooo many areas of my life it’s that self-compassion coupled with patience and a genuine understanding of what i’m TRULY longing for/desiring, will always be enough to generate the shift to sovereignty and wholeness.

what that looks like around shopping is the awareness that i’m doing it because i desire more like-minded beings…a conscious intention and focus on increasing my capacity to receive, and be in relationship with, like-minded beings…and a conscious choice to shop less.

doing a little bit more of each of these things every day will automatically get me where i want to go. there is no need to force, push or white-knuckle. it’s okay to enjoy the ride.

ANYWAYS! i digress. even though - it wasn’t really a digression! it was an example of exactly what this post is about. namely: how to stop seeking!

i hope the list above gives you some hope that you can go from seeking, to contentment.

but beyond that i wanted to translate platitudes like ‘what you’re seeking is seeking you’ and ‘if you are looking for that one person who will change your life, look in the mirror’ into ACTIONABLE STEPS.

there is so much theory and talk about non-attachment, finding contentment within etc etc but agreeing with the idea of something by clicking ‘like’ on an instagram post is a far cry from knowing how to apply that idea in your life. so let’s dig in, shall we?

HOW TO STOP SEEKING

step one: identify what it is you are TRULY CHASING in the first place. for example. on the surface you might find yourself obsessing about getting the text back from your crush. but what does that text represent to you? to one person it might represent healing from the rejection of their father. to someone else, it could represent that their body is finally ‘good enough’/attractive after years of being bullied by peers as a child. do you see what i mean? the same surface reward - getting the text back, can be significant for a million different reasons. what does it mean to you?

step two: how can you provide yourself with the experience, healing, shift, upgrade or confirmation/reflection of your essence, that you’re currently SEEKING? following through on the above example. if you are seeking to heal the rejection of your father. how can you begin healing that in yourself? what support do you require to actually do this, in a way that is guaranteed to get you where you want to go? if you want your body to feel good enough, what support or healing do you need to invest in to begin recognizing your body as good enough ALREADY.

**one of the key shifts that occurs when we begin taking responsibility as outlined in step two, is that we begin to PURIFY OUR INTENT. our motives in relation to others, the world around us, events/experiences etc become based on our authentic desires and needs. when we become honest with ourselves about the true support we require, we don’t need to costume or trojan-horse these needs within seeking, chasing, or external-rewards-based dynamics.

something else to note with step two: often underneath our chasing, seeking dynamics is the fear that the support we TRULY require, doesn’t exist or isn’t available to us. the real work often begins in addressing the origin experience of not receiving the support we needed.

step three: take the required actions to support yourself; simultaneously, refrain from engaging in the old dynamic or seeking pattern. recognize that the old seeking dynamic will literally ALWAYS re-affirm your initial/origin experience of being unsupported. any action born of the feeling of being unsupported, will ONLY lead to further experiences of unsupported-ness. instead of engaging in the old seeking pattern, practice tending to and supporting YOURSELF in the ways that you can. practice trusting that the support you require can become available to you. practice investing in experiences, relationships, behaviors that make you feel supported - rather than leaving you longing.

step four: make space for grief. as we stop engaging in the old patterns of chasing we are left having to confront the initial unsupported-ness we felt. in addition to shifting our actions to more supportive ones, we can expect grief to emerge. making time to process the longing and feelings of lack we experienced earlier in our lives is part of supporting ourselves. it helps us to recognize that the chasing patterns are just a protection: they keep us from feeling this initial pain. we commit ourselves to the emotional release and trust that freedom is waiting on the other side. :)

hopefully this has broken down a complex spiritual idea into a simple actionable process that anyone can follow! thanks for reading. i’m so excited to be here with you.

all my love,

xx spirit